It wasn't me.

It hurts, still.

I tried my best to keep it, but you tried your best to kill it. And there you go saying that I mean alot to you, saying that I'm your best friend in uni. It's really rubbish to me now. I've tried, and tried. Maybe I just don't understand you. Maybe we just can't be friends. All my concern for you, I wish I didn't have any. Have fun with your 'friends', 'bros', whatever. They're certainly better than me. I'm never a good friend anyway. I know.

Thanks for killing me over and over again.

Fri.end.ship

For the record, it's the first time I've cried this much, this many times.

Friends mean a lot to me, especially those closer ones. I know friendship ends, but I never thought it would be because of what I said. I wish I could turn back time. I wish I could take it back. I really want it back, so so fucking much. More than anything I've ever wanted. But another part of me is stopping myself because of the fact that our friendship means so little to you that you could just say goodbye just like that (even though I was the one who said it first - I did not mean it that way..). I'm afraid that you would actually just let it stay this way or that I actually don't mean a thing to you. Couldn't you just... for once..

Everyday I'm just hoping, hoping that you could read my mind just once and let that message not be the last.

I don't know what to do anymore. I can't do anything without thinking of it, I feel like I'm just lost.

I try so hard to smile and laugh just cause I don't want people around me to ask.

My head hurts so much more nowadays..

It's not over right? Please don't let it be over..

New Year's Day

Every year seems to pass so fast. Looking back, it's not the best year but it'll get better right? I've gotten closer to some friends, drifted away from others, made some new friends, and felt like I lost some. It's hard for me to make new friends and/or keep the relationship going because I'm always awkward with humans... I usually take a very long time to make myself more comfortable with someone new even though I may look otherwise. I really need to be less awkward (on the inside).

Also, I've been trying to be more independent, to rely on myself, not anyone else. I want to be able to do most of the things on my own without feeling awkward. I don't want to always stay at home (my comfort zone) by myself because I have no one to go out with. Sounds pathetic hahaha but it's true! Everyone have their closest friend whom they will always talk to, text with, and hang out with. I have friends who are close but maybe not to that extend of everyday texting. Of course, I envy those humans but it's fine 'cause it's nice to see that such friendships still exists. Heh.

I spent a lot of time with my family but I never ever thought that it was enough... So I'm gonna spend much more time with my family and try not to be easily annoyed hahaha. I love them :)

--

It's been awhile since really bad things happen at the end of the year and start of the new year. It's here again.

Please be okay.