Worth it?

Someone asked me why I didn't continue contacting some of my friends.
I just said, "Because if it's always me starting the conversation, I'll find myself annoying."
Then he asked if it is worth it or not? To contact those friends.

It was always worth it to contact my friends, to start a conversation, by a simple "hello" or "how are you". But, if you're the one always doing it, it's not about them being worth it, it's more of are you worth their time? Do you worth enough to be their friend? Because if they take the initiative to talk to others, why not you?
It always takes 2 to continue, if it's one-sided, it'll be very tiring after trying so many times. It's not that I don't want to continue trying to sustain that friendship, or that it does not worth enough for me to do it. To me, friends are always worth it. It's just that I don't want to be in their lives if they don't want me there. I don't see the point of staying there, being persistent when they don't bother about you.

I'm not a very positive person, although I might seem to look like a happy kid everyday. Being happy on the surface != to being positive. Well, I wish I was a bit more positive about everything so I don't have to feel like shit everyday, feel like a burden to everyone, feel like I'm a waste of space on Earth.

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Met up with Kenny and Razvee yesterday, dinner was really good, and thanks uncle Kenny for the treat once again. Feel kinda bad that you always treat me. Can't wait for our next few meet ups though! KTV, Crab and Kenny's place for his cooking and drinks ;)
Anyway, congrats for getting a new, better job! Every time when I'm with them, they'd come out with evil plans *smirks*

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I really need to buck up. Failing or just passing my tests, assignments, and every other school stuff. Feeling like a failure in life. Feel like I'd just disappoint everyone around me again. Feel like a useless person.

Although it was for a short time, I still felt the same. About you.