102808

I live my life by just letting them pass day by day...just like that.

I don't hate you or anyone...I hate your lies. Why can't people live without telling lies, at least to their friends? I don't know why...It's like you know it's fake, but you just kept pretending. You said it's your's when it's his. I don't know how to face a person who keeps lying, 'cause I wouldn't know how much of your words are true. I don't know who or what to believe now, but I can say I don't even trust myself anymore. These past few days, kept thinking. I don't have an answer to myself. I don't wanna live in lies. I just want my life to be like last time, together with my friends, highing, laughing, being the real me. Now, even I'm trying to lie to myself, that I can forget everything and pretend that all these never did happened. I miss hanging out with my friends, seniors...I miss the guzheng clique for that matter. I guess, I'm not part of you girls anymore? Before the time when I was pissed and sort of showed attitude, you girls will like ask me out or for lunch, but now? Even when I see you girls, I have to be the one initiating the talks, I tried to do everything I can, but I failed. Everything changed in a day. Even so, bestfr haven't talked to me for a very long time...I guess, one mistake can lead to ending a friendship? Ahh, as I've always said, I not good enough to be your friend. I not good enough to be anything. Let the whole world hate me, and I shall live my life underground, with the soil. I don't understand why everything I do is wrong. I always have to be the one ruining everything and doing the wrong things at the wrong time. I hate myself alot. I'm hiding too many things in my potato-ish head, and I think it's gonna explode anytime. Don't trying cheering me up, I'll just smile at you and say I'm fine. I don't know why, but my heart is like...hurting every now and then. I seriously want to be sick, so I don't have to do anything. No school, no keyboard, no guzheng, wouldn't that be nice? I'm so sick of keyboard. My mind's not there anymore, but I can't quit...'Cause I don't want my parents to be disappointed in me...I think I've disappoint them enough. I seriously wish that someone could end my life like right now!

Taking in all those shit even if I can't take it anymore,